black print on a white t-shirt

I start up the car in the dark of the night, pulling out from the curb and into the thin vehicle-lined road. The street lights seem dim on this cold night. I fumble with the front hem of my velvet coat, buttoning 25 buttons as I turn onto University. I'm no warmer. I feel the small of my back press into the car seat as I turn onto the interstate. Lucinda Williams tells me something. Her wavering voice tells me that it's true. And I believe her.

John Ciba has a simple way of telling me his thoughts, the simplest way for a girl like me, who dreams in measures and spinning harmonies. His mix cds are the pure gold, the most precious of my collection and tonight I will share one with you from 2002.

Lucinda Williams - Something About What Happens When We Talk
Jean Plum - Look at the Boy
Dan Penn and Spooner Oldham - I'm Your Puppet
Venice Shoreline Chris - Rocksteady
Louis Armstrong and Oscar Peterson - Let's Fall in Love
The Specials - You're Wondering Now
Flying Burrito Bros. - Cody
Magic Sam - All I Need
Reigning Soung - You're Not as Pretty
The Band & The Staple Singers - The Weight
Dusty Springfield - Willie & Laura Mae Jones
Mike Ireland & Holler - I'd Like Too
Dan Hicks & His Hot Licks - Sweetheart
Marion Williams - He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother
Nina Simone - Want a Little Sugar in my Bowl
Style Council - You're the Best Thing
Big Star - September Gurls
Beulah - Lay Low for the Letdown
My Bloody Valentine - Drive it all Over Me
Uncle Tupelo - Wait Up
The Wailing Wailers - Mellow Mood
Nikki Giovanni - Butterfly
Vera Hall - The Wild Ox Moan

The track listing is ironed on to two white cotton t-shirts, each song with it's own commentary or story of why John loves it or just what he was thinking or how it pertained to our lives at the time. It was one of the most honest and beautiful things ever given to me and is a testament to the true and thoughtful nature of one of the best friends I've ever had.

One of my favorite notations by Mister John Ciba:

"The Band and the Staple Singers. The Weight.

From the Last Waltz documentary, the Staples team up with the Band to create a version superior to either of their own seperately. They never actually made it to the concert but this was recorded afterwards and added to the documentary. I went and saw this a few months ago at the theater. After this performance, all thirty people stood and gave a round of applause for the next few minutes. It was one of the most beautiful things. I was so moved I went and bought the box set at Tower after the movie."

Jeff Higgason

He stood at the counter, fumbling with his keys, eyes peeking down through thick glasses, gaze then quickly turning away. Shifting from side to side, perspiration forming on his brow. I had no idea what to say. I had seen him in the store before. Here he was asking me to go to a music festival, a girl he didn't even know.

We drove to St. Louis for Point Fest. I remember They Might Be Giants causing a giant conga line to be formed across the lawn at Riverport. I jumped up, running to break in and join this line of hundreds of kids snaking around and up and down the hill yelling and dancing and singing in the summer sun. Jeff sat with his friends, unaffected and quiet.

I never really knew. Or maybe didn't want to think about the fact that he liked me. It was several years later, riding in my car and listening to the mixed tapes that he had made for me that I suddenly realized...
I was an idiot.

We lost touch long ago. I'll probably never be able to tell him what an amazing influence he had on me, how he changed my way of thinking about music.

The "I just Felt Like Making Sara a Tape" Mix
---------------------------------------------------
SIDE ONE

Vincent - NOFX
Tears of a Clown - English Beat
Where Did You Sleep Last Night - Lead Belly
Shimmer like a Girl - Veruca Salt
Outer Space - The Muffs
I've Been Waiting - Matthew Sweet
I Don't Want to Go to Chelsea - Elvis Costello
If You Could Only See - Tonic
Superstition - Stevie Wonder
Yes, The River Knows - The Doors
Panama City Motel - Sugar
Prove Yourself - Radiohead

SIDE TWO

Naima - John Coltrane
The Man in Me - Bob Dylan
Clove - Green Pyramids
99 Red Balloons - 7 Seconds
Just Like Heaven - The Cure
Whip - Fred Schneider
Don't Tell Your Mother - The Sundays
Swan Theme No. 10 Act II - Rimsky - Korsakov
I want the Angel - Jim Carroll
Ain't No Cure For Love - Leonard Cohen
Here Comes Your Man - the Pixies

Sara Mix : Vol 2
-----------------------------

SIDE ONE

Where Is My Mind - The Pixies
There Is A Light That Never Goes Out - The Smiths
If I Should Die Tonight - Marvin Gaye
Moment - The Pietasters
California Dreamin - Hi-Standard
Can't Fight It - Bob Mould
The Unseen Power of the Picket Fence - Pavement
We're the Same - Matthew Sweet

SIDE TWO

The Killing Moon - Echo and the Bunnymen
Shimmer - Fuel
What Does It Take? - Jr Walker and the Allstars
In Dreams - Roy Orbison
Nite Club - The Specials
Crazy Love - Van Morrison
In A Sentimental Mood - Duke Ellington & John Coltrane
Coney Island Baby - Lou Reed